change the story you tell yourself

How to Change the Story You Tell Yourself

5 August 2021 | by Gina Lucia

When you learn to change the story you tell yourself, you’ll find you can start to develop a healthier self-relationship.

Many of us tell ourselves we’re stuck in the same job or relationship for the rest of our lives and we have no hope of changing our lives for the better. But this simply isn’t true.

Learning how to rewrite your story can be a challenge for many of us.

This is especially true if we’ve been telling ourselves the same story over and over for many years. However, it’s something that’s possible for every one of us to achieve with a little guidance.

In this article, we’ll share everything you need to know to change your story and work to become the best version of yourself.

what is your story?

What is ‘your story’?

Your story includes everything you tell yourself about your life, which you believe is true.

It could include incidents that happened in your past that have shaped you into who you are today.

Everyone has a different story, and we are the narrator of our own lives. However, we often interpret events that have happened to us in different ways than what really happened. 

If we recently went through a challenging breakup, we might tell ourselves we’ll never be loved again.

But by changing your story, you have the power to put yourself out there and meet someone wonderful again. Without feeling so stressed about being alone.

We have the power to write our story as the narrator, and it’s up to us to decide how our leading character reacts to the external events around us. 

While the things that happened to us in the past are part of our lives, they shouldn’t result in limiting beliefs.

How psychology plays a part

One key concept to consider when it comes to discovering more about how to change the story you tell yourself is narrative psychology. This study is concerned with how humans deal with experiences by listening to and observing stories.

Many of us construct stories in our minds to deal with experiences and events that happened in our lives.

However, this doesn’t mean these stories are factually correct or helpful.

When you tell yourself you’ll never get a good job or find a new partner, this is much more likely to come true than if you change your story to a more positive one.

If you think it’s time to rewrite your story, you have the ability to change the story you tell yourself.

Keep reading as we discover the key steps to help you change your story.

How to change the story you tell yourself

You have the power to rewrite your story, but there’s no denying it will take some time and effort.

By following these steps listed below, you can work to overcome your current story and learn how to rewrite your story.

write down the story you tell yourself

Write down your current story

The first step to making any change is acknowledging where you are currently.

Start by writing down your current story so that you can identify where the problems are.

You can do this by writing your story down as a blurb or summary, just as you would see on the back cover of a book.

You are the main character of this story, so make sure this is reflected in your writing.

Don’t overthink this process or start worrying about the future, and just let whatever comes to mind pour out onto the paper. Go with the flow and see what happens before reviewing what you’ve written.

Take a look at the story you tell yourself

To change the story you tell yourself, you need to take a close look at the story you’ve written down.

Ask yourself these questions as you review your story:

  • In your writing, were you kind to the main character? 
  • What emotions did you feel reading back the story?
  • What language did you use in the story?

If you feel sad, angry, happy, or confused, these are signs you’re on the right track with the exercise.

The way we talk to ourselves is so powerful and can be one of the key tools to help you change your story.

change the story you tell yourself

Rewrite your story

Now you’ve written your story, you get to throw away that version and have the chance to rewrite your story.

Look objectively at the character you’ve projected yourself as.

Try to rewrite your story, so it’s more positive, forward-thinking, and empowering. You still want the story to be true to you, so don’t write it as if you’re someone else.

We’d also encourage you to look at your limiting beliefs, which you can work through with this limiting belief exercise.

Limiting beliefs can be incredibly detrimental to our lives. So the sooner you work to break them, the more empowered you’ll be to change your story.

follow through with your story

How to follow through with your new story

Once your new story is written, the hard work isn’t over. You need to ensure that you follow through with the changes.

If you previously told yourself you were unhealthy and lazy and you’ve rewritten your story to incorporate a healthier lifestyle. You need to push yourself to keep going on this journey.

While you can work to change your story, you are the one who has the power to keep these positive changes going. And really work to become the best version of yourself.

Work to become the best version of you

Trying to become the best version of yourself is a lifelong journey, but it’s something that we should all take the time and effort to work towards.

By identifying the character traits and the activities you would do as the best version of yourself, you can aim to change the story you tell yourself.

Imagine what your life would look like if you weren’t limited by the story you were previously telling yourself.

This journey is a very personal one and is directly linked to your goals, passions, and personal life. Working to be the best version of yourself and shifting your mindset is something that you can strive towards for the rest of your life, and you’ll experience many benefits from this process.

good person

Surround yourself with the ‘right’ people

When we surround ourselves with a strong support system, we are much more likely to be able to handle the challenges that come our way. When you tell the people around you about how you are trying to rewrite your story, they’ll be able to support you on your journey.

Surrounding yourself with the right people often means considering your current relationships.

While this can certainly be something that’s challenging to come to terms with, it’s an essential step in the process of learning how to rewrite your story.

relationship with yourself

Develop a healthy relationship with yourself

When did you last stop and think about the relationship you have with yourself? Your self-relationship is directly linked to the need to change your story, and the two likely have many similarities.

We are the person we spend the most time with. While it’s undoubtedly important to surround yourself with good people, the relationship with yourself is the most important one you’ll ever have.

Take the time to get to know yourself again and discover what you need to change about this self-relationship.

Think about the way you speak to yourself and treat yourself each day in order to make the changes that are needed and foster a more nurturing and loving relationship.

invest in yourself

Keep writing it down

One of the best tools to change the story you tell yourself is journaling. While we already shared the exercise early with writing down your story, this is something you can continue to do to change your story.

If you aren’t sure how to start, check out our advice on starting journaling. You don’t need to overthink journaling too much, and you should simply use this as a process to get your feelings out onto paper.

Journaling can help to take the thoughts you are having about yourself out of your mind and make you realise how you are talking to yourself.

You can physically choose to rewrite your story on paper and change how you talk to yourself about incidents in your life.

Change the story you tell yourself

Regardless of what story you are telling yourself currently, it’s never too late to change the story you tell yourself.

Many of us spend our lives believing that we are only destined for a certain path, but there’s so much more out there on offer for you.

Take the time to work through all of the exercises above to rewrite your story.

While this process may be challenging at times, it will be well worth the rewards at the end when you rewrite your story and remove those limiting beliefs from your life.